Tuesday, April 04, 2006

If the analogy holds true, then who is the Lady of the Lake?

Laurie visited the past few weekends, always a treat. We were lounging in my room watching television when I began to hear a faint whistling and felt a tickle on my nose. Laurie was invested in some program about midgets raising no-midget children, so I felt obliged to investigate the nostril nusance.

Resting upon my upper lip was the tail end of a nose hair. Imagine its length, to have reached that far! And with every exhale, the hair flew wildly, like a water noodle in a hurricane.

"Laurie!"

"What?"

"Check it out!" I exclaimed, pointing excitedly to my nose.

"What are you talking about..."

She moved closer. "Ewwww! Wait. Cool! It's huge!"

I asked her to pluck it, but keep it around so I could see it and/or make a wish. She tried to grab it with her fingernails, but no luck.

"I need tweezers, Jake."

"I don't have tweezers. Keep trying."

She couldn't grasp it firmly. "I can't get it. Why don't you have tweezers?"

"I don't know, I never need them. Try using the nail clippers."

"No!" she yelled. " I'll damage your brain!"

"How are you going to damage my brain with nail clippers?"

We continued on like this for some time until she finally managed a good grip and freed the mutant hair from my nose. My eyes watered with the pain. I asked her to let me see it.

"Umm, I lost it. It must have floated away already," she said.

"It was like half a foot long, how could it float away?"

"I don't know. Sorry."

In truth, I wasn't that upset. Since she was successful in removing the hair from my nose, I'm pretty sure she could be crowned the Queen of England, sword in the stone-style. But it was probably all for the best that the nose hair floated on, never to be seen again. It's probably the firm foundation for a bird nest somewhere this spring, and that makes me happy.

4 Comments:

Blogger thisismarcus said...

Ew.

That's all I can say about that.

8:04 AM  
Blogger Chris said...

Gross. Although i've also discovered some mutant nose hairs...my dad has this special nose hair trimmer that I've secretely used. Or I guess not so secretely, since I just posted about it on the Internet.

8:32 PM  
Anonymous laurie said...

that is pretty messed up jake...i must tell you though - effing hilarious.

next time use pliers. it worked for matt.

1:21 PM  
Blogger Jake said...

Pliers! Ouch.

2:32 PM  

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