Wednesday, December 07, 2005

I have returned, and I am selling these fine leather jackets.

Well, the long computer hiatus appears to be complete -- my new imac is up and running like a dream. I never considered myself to be a mac user -- too many nights of playing games on the old pentium at home convinced me of that. But now that I'm getting used to the little changes, I'm pretty psyched.

But telling people was different. I might have well said I'm gay. For example -- me telling my brother:

Me: Jesse, guess what, I'm totally into dudes now.
Jesse: Oh, cool.
Me: Yep, guys, all the way.
jesse: Sure thing.
Me: And I'm thinking about buying a mac.
Jesse: Wait, a mac?
Me: Yeah.
Jesse: Why, are you gay or something?

Then again, my brother uses the word "gay" to describe just about anything unfavorable:

Me: How's school?
Jesse: Totally gay.
Me: Oh, why's that?
Jesse: I have to get up at 4:30 in the morning, which is gay, and then I have this history professor who gave me this gay assignment and by the time I get something to eat, the cafeteria only has fish sticks left.
Me: And the fish sticks are gay?
Jesse: No, they're ok -- but the tartar sauce?
Me: Yeah?
Jesse: Totally gay.

For whatever reason, "gay" became the equivalent of "lame" between me and Jesse. Neither of us are homophobes; I mean, Jesse highlights his hair and I read David Sedaris books, so that's not the deal. So hopefully we haven't offended anyone during our normal discourse:

Me: So how'd you like the new star wars?
Jesse: Ummm...kinda gay.
Me: Yeah, the thing with vader? Gay. And the dialogue was cheesy.
Jesse: Seriously. Lucas is gay.
Me: Totally gay. Do you mind driving home? My hands are sensitive to the cold and I forgot gloves.
Jesse: Fine, but we're stopping at Starbucks and it's your turn to buy Frapps.
Me: You're such a bitch!

Ok, that...never happened. And it went to a weird place. In any case, we're going to have to update our language in the future. Speaking of which -- I'm heading home in a few weeks for the holidays and I've heard bad things about the traffic.

It's totally metrosexual.


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