Monday, October 24, 2005

My first credit card...

The quasi-adult hijinks continue: I have joined the ranks -- I now have credit. It is a dangerous device; money which claims to be mine, and yet is never truly there. A deception on par with the classic Trojan Horse. A gift for me? How kind! Allow me to open main fortress walls, aka my wallet, and allow you inside. What's that you say? You are filled with blood-thirsty warriors, aka high interest rates? But it's too late now! I am defenseless! How could I be so foolish -- has history taught me nothing?

I've actually been responsible thus far -- just some groceries and I think one CD made it onto the card. But now I've given corporate America another way to track me. First it was my grocery discount card. Should I use this card to save 20% on my purchases and allow Giant to see if I am retaining brand loyalties, or should I abstain and suffer overpriced cartons of orange juice and cans of creamy soup? I, of course, signed up, offering the all-seeing laser eye of the checkout counter a glimpse into the purchasing patterns of the coveted 18-39 year old male. Big brother now knows I have an affinity for pebbles of the fruity variety.

So the credit card is the next logical step -- rather than just tell Giant all of my hopes and dreams, now my purchase information can be tracked by unknown financial goblins. I will have to buy my Lyle Lovett CDs in cold, hard cash just to escape the social stigma.

Unknown Financial Goblins is an awesome band name.

But some good is coming out of this -- a smallish percentage of my purchases goes towards paying back student loans (so I can get that monkey off my back.) Each purchase of eggs and milk is like a middle finger to the creditors who invested in my future. The fools! Why not invest in oil or pork bellies, because I will never mature! Mwahahaah.

It is now my mission to get an awesome credit score, just so I can finally request a credit report like so many late night commercials instruct me to do. If I don't have good credit, how will I finance a car, or my house? How can I pay these bills that just keep coming? Please, eRefinanceAmericaNow, help!

That's the last time I use the sleep timer on the TV...I think the ads turn into subliminal messages. Every morning I wake up with a need for low, low financing from a guy in a question mark-dotted suit holding every Ron Popeil invention ever created.

If postings have been a little far inbetween recently, I'll blame it on the newly instituted apimpment website I've been helping to set up -- It's kind of like the old apartment, without the smell.

Man do I miss that smell.


Blogger Steph said...

Man do I miss you Jake. I haven't been to your blog in a while, and I just caught up. You gotta start publishing this stuff, cuz it's so good. Hope you and Laurie are both doing well! See you in the spring hopefully!!! -steph

4:59 PM  

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