Etown Parade Review: Theme - The Greatest Invention

Ah, a beautiful day on Lake Placida. Homecoming is a time for reflection, and what better place than this duck-free, man-made, oft-hyphenated lake?

In order to start our review of the annual homecoming parade, the missus and I woke up at the crack of dawn to steel our wits and crack our hearts. Two cups of joe outta do it.

After a 20 minute delay, during which an acorn fell on my head, the parade began! To kick it off -- out of uniform flag girls! Wave those blue beauties proudly, ladies.

How fortunate to visit a one-horse town and be able to see the actual horse!

Shortly after the flag ladies dazzled the sidewalks, the crowd was again on their feet for two clowns who apparently stole something recently and are running from the authorities. This is the beauty of the Etown parade -- no single parade attribute is left unturned. Shriners can mix with baton girls, Halloween candy is tossed right next to confetti. Should a mascot appear from a completely different school, so much the better! Join in, walk the walk and avoid the wallet snatching clown twins.

Ah, the old and the new bluejay! A rare sight to see them coexist in nature. The new bluejay design is decidedly fierce -- his spiked hair defies both wind and authority. The old bluejay appears to enjoy the car ride, but he knows in the depths of his heart that this is not a parade, it is his funeral procession.

Before I comment, let me ask you something -- if not for the flip flop, would you be where you are today? Would you enjoy the comforts you currently enjoy? Without the thong flipflop, I would venture to say life would not be worth living.

Now here's a headscratcher...oompa loompas are the greatest invention? Did the theme suddenly change last minute? Cause this easily wins "trippy 70s movie homecoming parade." The best part is that this is the dining services float -- those oompas are actually lunchladies! Oompa, loompa, doopity dee, have some eggs and a hash brown or three.

Videogames as the greatest invention ever? Hands down, we have our winner. Look closely at the detail -- both Mario brothers, a paper pirahna plant, question block spewing forth sweet, sweet coinage ,an incredibly well costumed princess peach and hidden behind the brick wall? Bowser von Koopa himself. Not even Yoshi is left out in this 8-bit tour de force!

Nearing the end of our greatest invention theme, we are truly recognizing history's greatest accomplishment: the vending machine. So entrenched into the American culture, even the newly appointed pope was there to bestow blessings upon the celebrated dropper of sun chips and jujifruit.

The grand marshall of our sweet little parade, the red m (and m?). He politely waved, appeared drunk, and reportedly asked a few cheerleaders to melt in his mouth, not in his hands.