Friday, September 30, 2005

The Choice 2005

Yeah, I'm posting a ton today, I know it. But this is a funny story. We're moving to a new office building at work and part of the move is deciding what the new office furniture will look like. Specifically, the office chairs are a big decision - what combination of plastic wheels and faux pleather will hold butts most comfortable over the long term?

Well, the company has decided to take a democratic approach by allowing all employees to vote on their favorite chair. Each "nominee" has been stationed on the second floor to rally the troops by making what I suppose would be referred to as "rump speeches." Here are the nominees:

Almost immediately a slander campaign against chair number three erupted. Labeled "Chair D" down on the second floor, the common phrase is "Voting D will cause Destruction." So with the third party candidate out of the race almost immediately (aren't they always?), the race is really down to number 1, Aeron, and number 2, Liberty.

Well, I can't leave well enough alone so I took it upon myself to create campaign materials for the chairs. Liberty was easy enough, so I slapped together this little campaign poster and posted it to the company messageboard:

But almost immediately groups began posting slanderous allegations of the liberty chair's previous affiliation with Communist recliner groups. It seems that the Aeron chair had built a solid base of support throughout the midwest (traditionally a rocking chair district, but now more a front-porch swing vote). Soon campaign buttons began to surface to counter the Liberty chair movement:

The campaign is now entering it's heated final rounds, and early polling shows Aeron has a "comfortable" lead. I'm sure the liberty campaign will keep rolling ahead, answering voter concerns about ergonomic spending and providing emergency help for a sagging lumbar industry. Plus, if Aeron wins, the question must be asked: "Why do we hate Liberty?"


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